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Projects :: Final Project :: NeufKar Robotics :: Story

Story:
Far, far away in a peculiar land not known to many. Lived an outlandish wise man, who travelled the country side pondering the ultimate question. This was no ordinary wise man however, he went by the name of Leili the Wise and constantly pondered the questions that no one individual could answer. This foreign land that Leili the Wise walked upon was no ordinary country, for it was inhabited by the Hangdutalets and the Woptoppleheads. These two species were quite extraordinary in themselves, but had different opinions on every outlook of life. Leili the wise was in fact not a Hangdutalet nor a Woptopplehead, he was what many would call a Tubberhudslicker. He was not only a Tubberhudslicker as most would say, but he was the last Tubberhudslicker. His particular species had gone extinct when caught between a violent conflict between the Hangdutalets and the Woptoppleheads. The fact of the matter, is that the two species never got along. For the Hangdutalets lived in trees and loved to send packages to their relatives in Zibberyokamahongfluncker. They preferred wrapping these packages that they sent in the fine silky material that they called hooberjucky. It would also help to understand that hooberjucky had a specific colour similar to that of blue. The Woptoppleheads on the other hand lived on the ground in meadows of Yakoroids and Zinggohippites. They themselves, also liked sending packages to their relatives, but in the distant region of Poloptombollowtincklenork instead. However, they preferred wrapping their packages in kippertite, which should be noted had a colour similar to that of red.

The whole point of this unnecessary tale, is to bring you to realize the main conflict between the Hangdutalets and the Woptoppleheads. In fact, if you were twice as intelligent as you thought you were and half as stupid as you actually are, then you should have no problem in distinguishing the conflict which has occurred between these bizarre creatures.

As the scratching of the head commences at this point, it is very necessary to stress that the Hangdutalets and the Woptoppleheads are very serious about sending their packages to their relatives. The whole confusing matter of the conflict is that hooberjucky and kippertite are basically the same packaging substance, just different colours. The ironic part of the story is that the differential colours of the two packaging substances should not matter because in fact Hangdutalets and Woptoppleheads are colour blind and hence should not notice a difference. However, for some strange reason the colour red and the colour blue have indistinguishable smells to the Hangdutalets and Woptoppleheads, so basically they can tell the immediate difference between their packages. If you are totally lost at this point in the story I will have to be the one to tell you that you are a complete moron and should give up and move on to discover the ultimate value of pie, so that you can bang your head against a wall for every one of its digits.

For those more intellectual minds who are still following this story, it is of my dismay to tell you that you are in fact not more intelligent than that of your counterparts. Actually, if you still follow this ridiculous story it is because you are incompetently stupid and it would be unwise for you to bang your head against a wall and lose the few brain cells that you have left.

Since we have just come to the conclusion that all of us are incompetently stupid, proves that the level of our intelligence doesn't really matter. If our level of intelligence means nothing, then it is safe to say that since we have not yet met any other life forms more intelligent than us, we are in fact all stupidly intelligent and should pat ourselves on the back! Continuing on with the story, the main conflict of this outrageously complex story all occurs when the Hangdutalets and the Woptoppleheads send their precious packages to the postoffice where they get mixed together in a pile and it is impossible to sort them by smell. It is necessary to sort the packages from the Hangdutalets and the packages from the Woptoppleheads because if you were paying any attention earlier the packages from the Hangdutalets have to be sent to Zibberyokamahongfluncker , while the packages from the Woptoppleheads have to be sent to Poloptombollowtincklenork.

Since the packages at the postoffice could not be sorted and sent to the proper areas, the Hangdutalets and the Woptoppleheads were in a great conflict. They cared deeply about their packages and wanted the other to resign from sending packages. Even though the solution to the problem is quite clear, it would also be clever to know that the Woptoppleheads and the Hangdutalets are better known to be very stupid and couldn't come up with a proper solution. Well, they did have a solution, but it required sending the other to a different time and dimension where blue was red and red was blue, not that it mattered to colour blind creatures.

With all the feuding occurring around him, Leili the Wise knew he had to come up with a solution or he himself would go extinct. Being very wise himself, he called upon his two very dedicated followers, Zipkar and Neuful. These names may seem a bit abnormal compared with all the other names in this story, however these were not in fact their full names, as their full names would take up this whole page and more. Just to give you and example, Zipkar, can further be expanded to Zipkartoltakakakaweebeedomoseemess, and Neuful can be further expanded to Neufulowlowippersnipersnok.

Zipkar and Neuful took the challenge of Leili the Wise and began to brainstorm fabulous ideas to solve the dilemma between the Woptoppleheads and the Hangdutalets. Their end design was to build the most complex mail sorter machine in all the land. Since Zipkar and Neuful were neither Woptoppleheads nor Hangdutalets, they could not distinguish the packages by smell but had the extraordinary unique ability to sort them by colour! What were these fascinating creatures, Zipkar and Neuful, you ask? Well they were actually Snubbletogglezimmergongglegorp's. The definition for a Snubbletogglezimmergongglegorp is actually quite complex. It can be simply described however, as a creature with absolutely nothing better to do then write a very ridiculous story such as this one.

Anyways, this sorting machine that Zipkar and Neuful built, which they called the Political Ordinating Incredulous Navigational Trigometric Logarithm Exasperatingly Supplementary Spontaneous machine, or "POINTLESS" for short, was by far really really neat. It featured a conveyer belt system which sent the combined packages from the Hangdutalets and from the Woptoppleheads down into a tunnel where they would be automatically scanned by a complex light sensor, which would determine if they were blue or red. Depending on the colour, the different types of packages would be pushed off the main conveyer system by a complicated arm either onto a conveyer belt on the left or a conveyer belt on the right. In conclusion, the packages would be successfully sorted, and sent to the proper locations. "A quite ingenious idea" quoted the incredibly young looking Leili the Wise. Both Zipkar and Neuful were awarded graciously with gifts of nineties, whatever that meant, and were given a pat on the back for finally solving the conflict between the Hangdutalets and the Woptoppleheads. They were allowed to retire from their machine-making careers and spent the rest of their days fishing for Nicklelovingguppies out of their own personal pools of hot molten lava.

As for Leili the Wise he continued roaming foreign lands content and proud of his two most dedicated followers. The moral of this whole story is, that if you come across a feuding Hangdutalet and Woptopplehead don't bother coming to ask Zipkar and Neuful for their aid. For they are in retirement and don't really care.

If you have actually read through this whole story without putting it down or making any attempt to burn it, you are congratulated. I myself had to stop on numerous occasions to tinker with the large antenna sticking out of my foot before coming back to writing this ridiculous tale. I would also like to not apologize if I have degraded your self-confidence regarding your intelligence, for that was what I had planned. More than likely, however, my plan did not work because you are still intent on reading this. Which tells me that you do think you are twice as intelligent than everyone else. However I assure you that you are not. For it doesn't matter how many times you multiply two by one, you will always end up with one no matter what.